Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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