we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
