So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize