Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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