Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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