I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
