So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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