We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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