My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
ok first of all what the fuck
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
