why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Randomize
