i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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