Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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