Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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