I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
