If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
