I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
