And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You made out with two different species that night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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