Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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