He is such a slut. More and more my type.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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