If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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