HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
