I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
