I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
