My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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