Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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