i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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