I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
