Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
