Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
