It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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