why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
