she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
