I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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