i barfeds in our rink
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
