my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
