So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize