Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
