I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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