Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
