You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
