hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
