just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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