I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Someone signed my nipple.
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