I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
