Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize