We're facebook friends in real life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
