Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
