Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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