I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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