Sry I called you an 8
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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