i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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