Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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