I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
