Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
