I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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