tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
