i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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