Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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