Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's shark week go big or go home
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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