Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
