I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
