dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
