So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
