My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
