bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
