i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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