im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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