Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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