I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
