I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
