So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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